This week we talked about peer relationships. This includes friends and dating. The sermon notes are listed below. Please check them out!
Relationship with Peers: Part 1
- We can categorize relationship into 3 groups:
- Those that pour into us. We need these people. We are directly blessed by them.
- Those that we pour into. These people need us. Their lives is better because we are in it. We are indirectly blessed by them, meaning that we feel going because of the presence we have in their lives.
- Those that pour into us and that we pour into. These people are known as our peers. This relationship brings mutual blessing. When trials come your way peers are the people that are running into your life when others are running out.
- Peers give you:
- 1. Acceptance. Look at Proverbs 17:17. True friends don’t leave when things get tough. True friends don’t leave when you make a mistake. True friends don’t leave when you have a difference of opinions. Your job is just to be their friend. Friends are a place where you can go and feel accepted.
- 2. Safe place. Look at Proverbs 17:9. John Adams said “if someone gossips to you they’re probably gossiping about you.” Anytime a person comes to you and is gossiping to you you can know that they are not a friend. That’s a person that you can pour into. Also look at Psalm 55:12-14. Sometimes we categorize anyone that’s nice to us as friends. That’s how we end up hurt. How many of you have put false expectations on someone that has left you hurt. We should not expect that to happen from a friend. They should be safe place.
- 3. Encourage. Our friends shouldn’t be the Eeyores of life, always complaining and bringing us down with them. Look at Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. A friend empowers you. They encourage you. They don’t drag you down. If someone comes to you and they are struggling with a lot of issues and are dragging you down that doesn’t mean that you don’t help them it means that you need to reclassify them. They are not a friend. Was Jesus a friend to all? Did he hear everyone? Did he divulge himself to everyone? We should love everyone, but there are only a few people that are friends.
- 4. Gentle honesty. Look at Proverbs 27: 5-6. Sometimes friends should offer correction, but they shouldn’t do it in a ripping way. Are we all sinners? Do we all make mistakes? Do we know what our mistakes are? Do we need people throwing stones at us? That’s the job of the people that are pouring into us. Friends don’t need to solve every problem. A friend is someone who can just listen sometimes. Every once in a while we need gentle honesty though.
- In taking stock, do you have friends? Or do you have people that you are just pouring into or people that are pouring into you?
- We as believers should strive to be friendly, but we need to be clear on what friends are. We also need to be clear on what friends are not.
- Peers are not:
- 1. Teachers. This also means that if your friends are just needy people then they aren’t your peers because that means you are a teacher in their life.
- 2. Fulfilling. A friend’s job is to share the journey with you, not fulfill your life. People sometimes say “You complete me.” This is so wrong! We were okay before we met them. We have Christ. He completes us. They are companions on the journey. They don’t complete you. Only God can do that. If you’re looking for friendship to complete your life then you are looking for the wrong thing.
- 3. Your purpose. They don’t give you an identity. Thy don’t give you wholeness. That comes from God.
- Next question: Are you a friend? Or are you more in a place where you need people to pour into you?
- We need balance of all three groups of people.
- Another peer relationship is found in dating and therefore the same criteria applies as friendship.
- Answer these questions to see if you are in a place where you are ready to date:
- 1. Are you being poured into? If you’re not then you’re not ready. If you are, what would the people pouring into you say about you? Are you at a place where you are spiritually whole with Christ?
- 2. Do you have a sense of God’s purpose for your life? If you don’t then you’re not ready. If you’re not sure of this then you are more susceptible to other voices influencing your life. You should at least have a general direction of this before you start dating.
- 3. Do you have an identity in Christ? God calls us His child which means that our identity is not found in dating but in Christ.
- 4. Do you have a wholeness in Him? If you need relationships to make your life work then you will get torn down. You will get hurt in relationships, but you can withstand it if your identity is routed in Christ.
- 5. Are you no longer needy? You’re not ready if you’re needy. That may be hard to hear and it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. It just means that you need more people pouring into you right now. There are times when we would like to have a certain kind of relationship but we just aren’t ready yet.
- If your answer is no to any of those things then you are just not ready.
- Next week we will continue our discussion of dating!